Someone cuts you off in traffic, forcing you to almost hit a schoolbus. You:
A) Give them a friendly wave.
B) Honk! That'll show them.
C) Stick your arm out the window and vigorously wave your middle finger in their direction.
D) Force them off the road at dangerous speeds, then stop, and laugh.

You're at your 10 year High School reunion. You've had a bit to drink and are finally talking to the cute girl who sat behind you in trigonometry. A balding jock across the gym screams, "I'm talking to you, asswipe!" You:
A) Move closer so you can hear his commands more easily.
B) Ignore his rude remarks by turning your back and continuing the conversation.
C) Telegraph your reply by raising your upturned finger above the crowd.
D) Hit him over the head with a bottle of champagne and force him to play 'bobbing for teeth' in the punch bowl.

Some jerk flips you the bird while you're shopping at the mall with your boyfriend. You:
A) Cheerily wave hello.
B) Flip them the bird.
C) Flip them both birds.
D) Introduce them to Flip Wilson.

You're pitching a lousy baseball game and the crowd of 24,000 booing fans isn't helping any. You:
A) Focus on the game, block the rowdy crowd out of your head, and do the best you can.
B) Signal to the catcher that you will hit the next batter in the nuts.
C) Create a special kind of Fan Appreciation Day with your middle finger as the prize.
D) Hijack the bullpen's relief pitcher car and drive it through the stands, crushing as many people as you can.

You're running for a political office and your opponent has just raised a dubious claim about your moral character. In particular, your penchant for dressing livestock in lingerie before engaging them in sex games. You:
A) Plead with your opponent to stick to the issues.
B) Vigorously deny any accusations and remind your opponent of his frequent cocaine parties for Haitian transsexuals.
C) Demonstrate that your finger is a mighty orator.
D) Demonstrate how your opponent takes it orally.

Driving through the desert, you notice a glowing, saucer-like object completely blocking the road. An alien being descends from the spaceship, its arms raised in universal greeting. You:
A) Drive as fast as you can in the other direction.
B) Greet these ambassadors from another world with open arms, and an open rectum.
C) Display your reluctance to join the Galactic Federation with a single-fingered vote.
D) Rip the alien's arms off and scream, "Come and get me, E.T!"

Allright! You're done! Now total the number of A's, B's, C's, and D's you've answered. Find the one with the highest number and consult the answer key below.

A): You are a big pussy. Other people run your life. Don't deny you get exactly what you deserve.
B): You realize that some problems require immediate, decisive action. However, your solutions are often complicated and unnecessary. Don't overlook the simplicity of the finger. Practice it at home, or in the office, in a variety of situations to see how it feels. Keep a log of these experiences and share it with a friend.
C): You know that a great gift has been bestowed upon you - your middle finger- and you are not afraid of it. Clearly, this simple and effective tool cuts through any communication barrier. The finger is your friend.
D): You are insane. This is not a bad thing, but you are probably better off running around naked, feeding on the raw liver of a gazelle you killed on the Savannah with a sharp rock. Try putting your aggressive energy into community works, like helping retarded children or throwing yourself off a tall building.